A Parenting Mindset Shift To Free You

Ian Lindsey
3 minute read

A Parenting Mindset Shift To Free You

Parenting can be so hard. Anyone who says otherwise has never been a parent. A common mindset I see, and to be honest am guilty of at times, is “this is the way I was raised and I turned out fine.” There is an important word in there, “fine”, and what I’ve realized is I don’t my children to just be “fine”. I want them to thrive, I want them to find their calling in life and change the world in profound ways. I want them to believe in themselves and believe they can achieve anything with hard work and focus; that they are limited only by their belief in themselves. Being “fine” isn’t good enough and although change is also hard, it isn’t easy to think that while we may have turned out “fine”, there might be a better way today.

The following article was written by Laura Sandefer, co-founder of Acton Academy. She speaks to the challenge of adopting a growth mindset as parents.

By Laura Sandefer January 18, 2020

The mindset shift that happens at Acton Academy with the children is two-fold:

1. Shifting from a fixed mindset (I’m just not good at math) to a growth mindset (I can learn anything, and I need to work extra hard in math.)
2. Shifting from a victim mindset (This isn’t fair!) to a hero mindset (I can help fix this problem).

A Mindset Shift Happens for Parents Too

For parents, a mindset shift happens, too.

Unfortunately, our mental shifting happens slower and with more angst than our children’s. It’s simply because our thought patterns are more entrenched, often as a result of traumas in our childhoods. We’ve been working hard to survive and our brains have adjusted accordingly. Acton begins to call into question our thought processes and this feels, at a minimum, uncomfortable; and at some moments, excruciating.

But the shift does indeed happen for those who stay in the game. And it’s more freeing and exciting than anything I’ve ever imagined. It just takes time and vulnerability. As well as surrounding yourself with other parents who are willing to grow and learn, too.

The mindset shift for Acton parents has four layers that stack up to joy and confidence in your family life – even on hard days:

1. There is no utopia. Shifting from wishing Acton had all the bells and whistles of a traditional school to understanding there are trade-offs at every school – there is no utopia.
2. Trusting the process. Shifting from worrying that my child isn’t progressing fast enough and delivering the highest quality work to trusting the process at Acton Academy even when it’s messy and takes time.
3. Trusting your child. Shifting from stepping in as my child’s problem-solver to trusting my child to solve problems and being their #1 cheerleader.
4. We are all in this together. Shifting from gossiping with other parents about problems with the school to participating in helping the owners and guides by telling them and offering ideas for solutions. “We are all in this together on behalf of our children.”

At Acton, parents are vital partners in every way. We are not a traditional drop-off school where education is “done” to the children and the parents stay out of it except to volunteer or raise money.

Rather, we are an intimate, community of learning where the power is pushed back to the families to communicate, encourage, solve problems together, and live the best life as humans changing the world.

Mindset shifts are equivalent to heavy-duty learning. Real learning is hard and we are all doing the best we can.